I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
