i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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