kristin has been a bad kristin
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Come see our sink grown plant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
