either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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