I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your room smells of hookers.
And success
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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