I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
