I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize