whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
