Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
