oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
