So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
