I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
