I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
