I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
