All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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