I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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