whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
