My nipple is on Facebook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
