You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
