he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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