I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
