Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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