oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
