I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
