He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
