I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
