i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
