I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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