My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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