Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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