Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
