whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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