Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
