I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
