hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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