lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
