I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
