I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
