I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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