I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
