I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
