I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
