This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
