Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
