Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
