I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
