threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
