i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
