sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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