Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize