The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
