What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
