I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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