You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
