Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
