I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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