Non-Jews are for practice
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
