Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
