When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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