Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
