i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
