Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
