Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
