i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
