I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
