I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
