Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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