It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
