Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my shit smells like andre
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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