Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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