Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
