Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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