My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
