I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
