mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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