I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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