If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
