i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
