i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
