Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All the doctor said was why
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
