O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
