Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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