is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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