Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
