I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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