just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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