I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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