I queefed so loud it echoed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
