God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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