Pappa wants mamma naked
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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