ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
