bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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