I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
