WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
