Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
