remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
