Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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