everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize