All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
