Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
