Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
