i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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