just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
