Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
