marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
a search helicopter?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
