Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
