either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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