NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
