Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize