We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
